| View previous topic :: View next topic |
Purplewolfstar35
Site Admin
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 373
Location: Tokyo (I wish)
|
 Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 3:07 pm Post subject: Purplewolfstar35's Writing... |
 |
|
|
XD I get a catagory! That's only cause I feel like I may post a lot to get you guys' opinions...
NOTE: Any emo, or suicidal tendencies do NOT relate to me personally, they're only for writing purposes. I am happy and content mmk? 
WARNING: Suicidal, cutting, substance abuse, and guy on guy awaits ahead. This is your warning, turn back now. XP |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
daydrifter26
POSTIN IS MEH LIFE!
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 165
Location: the gutter
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 8:35 pm Post subject: |
|
|
|
Ooh you mean we get to read your stuff and talk about it? Neat! Can't wait!
_________________
Pledge is my anti drug!
Ooh...smell that lemony shine! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Purplewolfstar35
Site Admin
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 373
Location: Tokyo (I wish)
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 8:50 pm Post subject: |
|
|
|
I decided to post something! I've been considering writing a play...or something...and this would be a character monologue. Comments and criticism please.
WARNING: SUICIDAL/EMO THOUGHTS! Plus...a death.
I Think I’m Drowning
I think I’m drowning…the feelings are just too much, too many. I’m tired, of treading water, of holding my head up. I should be able to stop, let go and just…fall. The water looks peaceful…still…and unbothered. I want to be that liquid. More then anything…
Water is deep…and cold…but it can be warm. Human beings really should model them self after the lakes and oceans. I suppose, pollution would be like…sins and lies right?
My lake is polluted…apparently I’ve done a lot of terrible things in my life. The water level is getting higher now…as I start feeling guilty about what I’ve done…even higher because my tears are contributing.
The ever-present question in human life is…to be or not to be. Shakespeare was on a great thought pattern when he said that. Another version, do or die…sink or swim. I believe the last fits my situation quite aptly. My feet are tired…and my heart is heavy, I’m slipping beneath the line, the line of life and death, sea and shore.
It’s true what they say…your life really does flash before your eyes. I remember that boy I beat up…I’m sorry. I can see the mother’s face, crying over her dead daughter’s body. That’s my fault too…I hit her…I don’t deserve redemption…some people deserve to go to the firey pits of hell. But my watery grave appeals to me…I want to lie at the bottom of this body and watch. My unyielding eyes will pass judgment on those above me, but…who am I to appraise them?
I think I really am going to drown…there’s just an enormous weight tied to me…maybe I would stand a chance without all that. My head’s under now…and the fear settles in. What if this isn’t the right thing to do? What if everything was going to get better tomorrow? Something between a cough and a laugh escapes my throat and the rest of the air in my lungs flies out too. My chest is tight…goodbye world…goodbye, I’m sorry. I’ll be a part of that water now…because, I’m drowning.
Comments? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
daydrifter26
POSTIN IS MEH LIFE!
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 165
Location: the gutter
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 11:11 pm Post subject: |
|
|
|
Hm...the imagery is scary, dark, surreal and somehow also comforting in a way. It's really interesting!
The symbolism of drowning, drowning in one's mistakes and sins, drowning in the water...it's very strong stuff!
I especially like how towards the end fear kicks in, which seems rather realistic. Mostly everyone is afraid of death, even if they say they aren't.
"Something between a cough and a laugh escapes my throat and the rest of the air in my lungs flies out too."
I like the first part of this sentence, but for some reason air 'flying' out of the lungs sounds odd in this, since everything else seems to be tied in with sinking, drowning, dying. It should be something to do with water, instead of flight, which sort of goes more with air, being above the water.
That's just my opinion, still, this is really beautiful! I love it!
_________________
Pledge is my anti drug!
Ooh...smell that lemony shine! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Purplewolfstar35
Site Admin
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 373
Location: Tokyo (I wish)
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 11:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
|
Thank you! ^///^ Maybe...bubbles out would be better?  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
daydrifter26
POSTIN IS MEH LIFE!
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 165
Location: the gutter
|
| Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 12:05 am Post subject: |
|
|
|
Maybe...I don't know, it's up to you!
_________________
Pledge is my anti drug!
Ooh...smell that lemony shine! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
alexisBlue v1.2 // Theme Created By: Andrew Charron // Icons in Part By: Travis Carden |
|
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group |
|
|
|
